what better time to blog than when i should have my nose in a book. not that i don't love reading. i do. but i would rather write nonsense. however there are too many things i should like to say. normally i write about an event. an excursion. an epochal... my brain contains bouncy balls of thoughts going every which way. it's all a blur. to catch one long enough to examine it fully before it flies off again is near impossible. the day is a din of distractions. work. music. people. never a silent solitude. most days i don't mind the bustling of abu. yet some days i long for a soundproof sanctuary. even now my fingers pause mid-type as i try to focus my thoughts. the cold cramps my bones. i could speak of sparks. school. spiritual things... the clock's hands do not hold enough time. my mind is mercurial in movement. the stream of wondering flows too fast to put it all into words. i convince myself i am learning and bettering myself here in university. english excites me. but there is so much i want to know and add to the bottomless pit of my memory. the world beckons. in some sense i am impatient to embark on an excursion to experience it all. to grow up and get on with it. i want to travel. get married. do missions. do something i am passionate about. i have a picture of how i want to live my life. it isn't specifically planned or anything. i just want my life to count and i am afraid it won't somehow. but as of right now i'll simply live each day. treasuring the luminous moments. and trust God with the rest. because soon they will have come and gone. as a girl i dreamed of prince charming and castles in the sky. i grew older and fretted over the future all the more. eventually i concluded that worrying was futile. yet now... all those decisions i dreaded making are looming in the distance. threatening as a thundercloud. so i pray. though i don't pray enough. it is exciting and frightening all at the same time. my life is a book. the book just better not be boring.